Don't get me wrong. I know I make plenty of grammatical errors, especially while speaking. Let's face it: none of us talks as carefully and as formally as all of us do while writing. Still, some errors are so egregious that they must be noted, if only to help avoid repeating mistakes with potentially dangerous consequences.
In an NPR news report this morning, repeated reference was made to North Korea's recent testing of "an underground nuclear device." NO, NO, NO! North Korea did not test "an underground nuclear device." North Korea tested a nuclear device underground.
Believe it or not, the placement of the modifier (in this case, the adjective "underground") radically changes the meaning of the sentence. What the news report literally said was that North Korea tested a nuclear device that was to be used underground. What the news report meant was that North Korea blew up a nuclear device in a test it conducted underground. The device itself could be used at ground level or even high in the atmosphere.
None of us would have much to fear from a North Korean underground nuclear device. It would be virtually impossible for North Korea to plant, undetected, an underground nuclear device where it would do us serious harm. Indeed, an underground nuclear device by definition cannot do anyone relatively great harm--that's why the first nuclear test ban treaties banned testing only in the atmosphere or otherwise above ground. Underground testing, considered the safest of the available options, was allowed because none of the treaties' signatories was willing to forgo testing entirely.
Conducting a test of a nuclear device underground, however, means that the device is of risk to us--because the device's use is not limited to the nether realms. North Korea punctuated this point by also testing several short-range missile launching vehicles this past week.
Many people who read this [that is, if any of them do--Ed.] are probably rolling their eyes and accusing me of being too picky, because "we all know what the news report meant." Maybe. Maybe not. Sloppy grammar indicates sloppy thinking. Sloppy thinking makes cogent communication impossible. Lack of cogent communication all too often starts arguments, feuds, even wars.
Though it may not make much difference, Eats, Shoots, and Leaves ought to be mandatory reading in everyone's junior high school curriculum. Maybe, just maybe, that would indirectly prevent some future bloodbath. Winston Churchill himself said it was better to "jaw, jaw, jaw" than to "war, war, war."
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