Saturday, February 21, 2009

Alphabet Soup, A to M



"A" is for "A-Roid." [Kudos to whomever coined that phrase!--Ed.] Count me among the people who were not surprised this week when Alex Rodriguez's story/apology for his steroid use fell apart almost as soon as he made it. While I respect his prodigious baseball talent, I've never cared much for him as a person. Everything with him always seemed to be studied, calculated, posed. No spontaneity, no genuine warmth. He's gonna get what he deserves.

"B" is for "Burris," as in "Bye-Bye!" So now that he got appointed to what had been Barack Obama's US Senate seat, Roland Burris says (contrary to his testimony under oath at now ex-governor Rod Blagojevich's impeachment trial) he did actually talk about and attempt fund-raising for B-Rod. His defense (and thus justification for not resigning due to his lies) is that his fund-raising efforts were not successful. Current Illinois Governor Pat Quinn as said flat out that Burris should consider resigning. Even President Obama has said Burris ought to take some serious time and "reflect." Sounds like the kiss of death to me.

"C" is for "chimp cartoon," as in "not funny." Almost everything that can be said has been said about the offensive cartoon run in one of this week's New York Post issues, except this: the people, including the cartoonist himself, who still deny that the cartoon is racist or that it meant anything bad (like encouraging people to shoot President Obama) are so entrenched in their racism that they can't see it even when it's put right under their noses. That is beyond sad. It's frightening.

"D" is for "Darwin," whose bicentennial birthday anniversary most of us celebrate. For those who still claim Darwin is wrong: in every way that his "theory" of evolution can be tested by the scientific method, it has never been found wrong. Maybe its details need to be tweaked a bit; that's only natural, and that's what happens to every scientific theory. Reproducible results are what's wanted, and in every instance, Darwin's idea has been vindicated. Disagree with it all you want on religious grounds--your objections are irrelevant, for Darwin never claimed to explain WHY the world evolved as it has. "Why" is the question for religion--it's the question answered by "intelligent design." By definition, it is not scientific. All Darwin tried to do was answer the question "how." And at that, he succeeded. You cannot deny evolution--you see one example of it in action all around you every year in the annual mutation of the flu virus.

"E" is for "energy, green." And what's up with the people who oppose wind power because they don't want the windmills to "spoil the view"? Don't they realize that smog and other carbon-based pollution spoils not just the view but that which is in the view far more than a line of modern windmills ever could?

"F" is for "foreclosures." Fie on those who say we shouldn't help people who are drowning in the middle of the housing crisis--letting them just go down the drain will have the effect of lowering everyone else's property values. Are you sure that's what you really want? I don't think so, especially when your property taxes are not going to go down either as much or as quickly. Besides, we already bailed out the "losers" amongst the banking system, largely because they were "too big to fail." Collectively, letting homeowners continue to go bankrupt with no effort to restructure their mortgages will be just as big a drag on the overall economy. If not bigger.

"G" is for "Gonzo," as in Alberto Gonzales. The disgraced (but to date unindicted) former US Attorney General has said he'll be glad to "cooperate" with congressional investigators so long as their focus is not "political." Note that he didn't define "political." He claims that he has always cooperated in the past. Note that this "cooperation" consisted of answering all questions with variations of "I don't know" or "I can't recall."

"H" is for "hypocrites." Many GOP members of the US House of Representatives and US Senate, who to a person voted AGAINST President Obama's economic stimulus package, sure haven't been shy about taking credit for the money the package will bring into their home districts and states. To quote from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, "You're not fooling anyone, you know."

"I" is for "Indiana Jones Monopoly." Monopoly is my favorite board game, I think because I have always loved playing with the tokens the players use to track their progress around the board. The tokens in this specialty edition are especially wonderful. They are well-made, good-sized, heavy, and like the board and the "fortune" and "glory" cards, reference all four movies. You can choose Indy's fedora, Dr. Jones Senior's Grail diary, Indy's bullwhip, the Grail cup itself, an alien skull, or a mine car. How fun is that?

"J" is for "Japanese (former) finance minister." Did you see the tapes of his appearance at the recent G8 meetings? I agree with Rachel Maddow--I don't care what the man claims about merely having taken too much cold medicine. He was hammered. Totally. In public. He got off easy with his resignation. In the old days, he'd have had to commit seppoku for the loss of face he created for the entire country.

"K" is for "kooky," as in several remarks made by GOP members this week. Michelle Backman [if that's the wrong name or misspelled, please let me know--Ed.], US House of Representatives member from Minnesota, not only erroneously claimed ACORN was getting $5 billion-with-a-B dollars in the stimulus plan (ACORN is getting exactly zero dollars, thank you very much), but complained in a talk-radio interview that "America is running out of rich people" due to Obama's tax policies. Alan Keyes, token black GOP member, perpetual GOP also-ran, and loser to Barack Obama in the US Senate race, claimed that Obama was an out-and-out Communist who had to be stopped--and tried again to raise the thoroughly discredited notion that Obama isn't REALLY the president because we don't know whether he was REALLY born in the USA.

On one hand, these continued outrages irritate me because of their sheer stupidity. [The "he must be stopped" comment also frightens me because I can see someone using that as an excuse to shoot Obama.--Ed.] On the other, I love to see them because they signify that the GOP is becoming so marginalized and so desperate it no longer cares whether it's getting credible attention. Any attention at all seems to be enough. I hope we are well on the way to seeing the end of this perversion of what used to be a noble political franchise.

"M" is for "minor league baseball franchise," which may not be in Omaha much longer. The Omaha Royals have to date refused to sign a contract to play in Mayor Fahey's new downtown stadium [I don't care who gets corporate naming rights. It will always be "Fahey's Folly" to me.--Ed.], and are actively looking elsewhere since the venerable Rosenblatt Stadium will be torn down after the 2010 College World Series. Plans for the downtown stadium have already been cut way back--the retail shopping area that was supposed to help draw the crowds have been scrapped, allegedly because of the current economic situation . . . but really because with only Creighton University games and the College World Series guaranteed to be played there, there's not enough draw and retailers are not interested. The plans were scrapped long before the true scope of the economic meltdown became apparent.

Yet people are dreaming: Sarpy County, south of Omaha's Douglas County, is pushing hard to get the Royals to commit to playing here, and the county will build a stadium to suit. Omahans are dreaming of the Iowa Cubs moving to Omaha, now that the local Ricketts family owns the Chicago Cubs. I think neither of these things will happen. Sarpy County cannot afford to build a suitable stadium, and as far as I know, the Iowa Cubs are perfectly happy in Des Moines. Well, spring is coming, and hope springs eternal, and all that jazz . . .

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