Monday, December 27, 2004

From The Land Of Sky Blue Water

From the Memphis, Tennessee, Commercial Appeal (via Parade magazine):

"[A] black bear was found passed out on the lawn of Baker Lake Resort near Concrete, Wash., surrounded by 36 empty beer cans. It had gotten into the coolers of some nearby campers, who had stocked up on both [Ranier and Busch] beer for their trip.

"Fish and Wildlife Enforcement Sgt. Bill Heinck said the bear did try one can of Busch, but ignored the rest. The beast then consumed all the campers' Ranier.

"Wildlife agents used a large, humane trap to capture the bear, baiting the trap with the usual: doughnuts, honey, and, in this case, two open cans of Ranier.

"That did the trick.

"'I've known them to get into cans, but nothing like this,' Heinck said. 'And it definitely had a preference.'"

All I can add is that either the Hamms Beer Bear has come out of retirement and wants a new gig, or else he ought to be suing someone else for copyright infringement.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati

I am having a real "Alice Through The Looking Glass" moment right now. I just heard a report on NPR about a slew of internal FBI memoranda documenting prisoner abuses at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, and in Iraq. These memos date back to at least last July according to the New York Times, and are disturbing not only for what they do report, but for what they don't, and why.

The agents doing the reporting specified types of abuses they witnessed, including prisoners having lit cigarettes put in their ears, being forced to stay in one position for hours on end, and being chained to floors so that they'd have to lie in their own urine and feces.

But what the FBI agents were concerned about was not that these actions were wrong; what they worried about in print was: (1) THEY didn't get to do these things, so why should the military?; (2) military interrogators doing these things were telling the prisoners that they were FBI, thus leaving the FBI "holding the bag" if the news got out, when rightfully, the Department of Defense was to blame; and (3) any evidence obtained would be useless in a court case against the prisoners, as it had been coerced.

What is wrong with this picture?

Where do I begin?

First, these memos document actions taken AFTER the initial publicity (including photographs) surrounding the Abu Ghraib abuses, meaning that no one learned anything from that debacle . . . except maybe how to cover his/her tracks a little better. (Besides, professional jealousy about who gets to do what to whom is so petty, she said, irony dripping from her voice.)

Second and of even more import, these FBI memoranda were addressed to people high up the chain of command, including the FBI director, and were also marked "urgent," meaning that more and higher up gov't officials were aware of the extent of this mess for quite some time . . . and apparently did nothing about it.

Third, and what prompted my "through the looking glass" feeling to begin with, was that no one paid even lip service to the obvious problem that torture does NOT produce reliable intelligence information. People being tortured will eventually say anything to get the torture to stop. They know (or at least have some sense of) what their tormentors want to hear; at their personal breaking point, they'll give it, true or not, just to get their torment to end.

Finally, and most disturbing of all, was that no one (at least, according to what's been published) made any kind of moral condemnation of the very fact of the torture--and this from an administration that professes to be "Christian."

Oh, you say that's not a problem because those being tortured are Muslim infidels who would do the same to us if they could? Oh, now I see! (She said, extremely sarcastically.)

After the presidential election results, I confess to having considered moving to Canada for about 5 minutes. I then decided that that would be more trouble than it was worth. But I don't know what to do now.

This administration's tacit (until we find a smoking gun, anyway) approval of such unconscionable behavior makes me sick to my stomach. I don't want to be associated with an "America" that tolerates such things. It makes a mockery of what America is and should symbolize to all the world.

Yes, I voted. Like it made a difference. Dubya claims he has a mandate, so we aren't going to see any changes for the better in his administration's actions.

So, since I am not moving to Canada, I'll do the next best thing and take a Canadian's advice: as Red Green advocates, since all else has failed, I'll just play dead.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Random Observations On The Passing Scene

Random Observation the First:

Michael Crighton, M.D., author, screenwriter, producer, and bon vivant, has just published a new book, State of Fear. He also has recently opined (in Parade magazine) that we must stop listening to the doomsayers, the predictors of defeat and dispair, because they do nothing but add to our stress levels--besides which, their dire predictions don't come true anyway.

That's OK as far as it goes. Nowhere in his article did I see even a hint of an acknowledgement that maybe the reason that none of their dire predictions came true was because they warned us and thus someone did something to change what was about to happen. Furthermore, given the title of his book, Crighton seems to be making money off the phenomenon, so how can he complain?

Personally, I'd rather have people aware of potential disasters and preparing for them or working to prevent them than sticking their heads in the sand. With the possible exception of the next topic I am about to raise, that is.

Observation the Second:

I for one am getting seriously tired of all the yapping at this time of year about "they [whomever "they" are--Ed.] are taking Christ out of Christmas."

People can observe or not, as they choose--the only prohibition is on the government doing anything that looks like IT is favoring Christianity (or any stripe thereof) over any other religion, or favoring any other religion over any (or every) stripe of Christianity.

Granted, there are a lot of people out there who will not get the distinction . . . and some of them are erroneously trying to stop other individuals from expressing their personal faith . . . which is not just wrong, it's dangerous.

But we cannot have any branch at any level of government giving even the appearance of favoring one faith over another, for then we have a clear violation of the First Amendment. If we want America to remain America, we collectively cannot stand for anybody violating the First Amendment.

Observation the Third:

Even when the College Football Bowl Championship Series (a misnomer if there ever was one--there's no series, for one thing) seems to work, someone somewhere is going to carp about it.

We do have a matchup of #1 vs. #2 in this year's designated championship game: USC vs. Oklahoma in the Orange Bowl, on January 4th. [A quick aside: isn't drawing this out till January 4th a bit much? I know, I know. It's the money.--Ed.] Nevertheless, there are a total of 5 undefeated teams right now, and the three that have been "locked out" of the championship game are not happy campers.

It may be unfair, but it's not going to change. Money talks, and there is too much money involved in the Division 1-A bowl games as presently constituted for the institutions involved to switch over to a true playoff system . . . even though a playoff works for all the other divisions in the NCAA.

But that's OK, because it gives people something to carp about other than the unseasonably warm weather we're having right now in eastern Nebraska. At least my heating bills aren't going to bankrupt me . . . yet!

Observation the Fourth:

There are actually some television commercials that are entertaining. They do not get aired nearly as much as they ought to be. There are also the vast majority of commercials that are obnoxious in the extreme, and they are ubiquitous.

Wazzup with that?

I thought we were past the days of "remember me well or remember me ill, just remember me."

Observation the Fifth (get it?):

Froeliche Beethovens Geburtstag!

In honor of the 234th anniversary of Ludwig's birth, please go listen to one of his masterworks, especially as conducted either by Arturo Toscanini or George Szell. You'll be glad you did. (My personal recommendations are Toscanini's interpretation of the 9th Symphony and Szell's of the 5th.)

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Gin Rummy

Of all the gin joints . . . in all the world, why did [Rumsfeld] have to walk into mine?

I see that Sec'y of Defense Donald Rumsfeld tried to offer information, comfort, and support to our troops in Kuwait who are awaiting further deployment to Iraq. In this observer's not-so-humble opinion, he did not do a very good job. [Yet he is the one Cabinet official Dubya is adamant about keeping. Makes you wonder, I hope.--Ed.]

When asked why the soldiers had to sort through scrap piles to get metal to use as armor-plating for their vehicles, two of the several answers Rummy offered were: (1) you go to war with the army you have, not the army you want; and (2) you can put all the armor in the world on a vehicle and it can be blown up anyway.

>>ahem<< This is leadership?!?!?

I have an acquaintance who considers things like this, shrugs his shoulders and says, "Even Rome declined and fell."

True, but does it have to happen while we are alive?

We can do better, people. We'd better, if we expect to survive the next four years and beyond.

Excuse me, but I am going to go cower in the corner for a while. And maybe have a gin or two. Or three. Or more. I, for one, am afraid. I am very afraid.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Talk About Kicking People When They Are Down!

I have it on good authority that the lovely 8th Circuit Court of Appeals (which circuit includes the state of Nebraska) has ruled repeatedly on the Americans With Disabilities Act in such a way as to have gutted its intentions, basically.

Instead of protecting disabled employees from being fired for no good reason except some supervisor's whim, the 8th Circuit has decreed that as long as the employer (or his agent) had a colorable economic reason to do so, firing a disabled employee does NOT violate the ADA. This includes situations wherein the employer has advertised vacancies which the disabled employee is qualified and able to fill. I thought the ADA was supposed to give some shelter to disabled employees, not make it easier for their employers to get rid of them.

Maybe my sense of smell is too acute, but that has the distinct aroma of three-day-old fish. In short, it STINKS ON ICE.

I'll bet none of the 8th Circuit's judges has ever tried to find another job while disabled. It's nearly impossible. The laugh is that the disabled person is told that if s/he feels s/he is not being hired because s/he is disabled, s/he can sue under the ADA. But the burden of proof is on the disabled person to prove s/he wasn't hired due to his/her disability, and not for some other valid reason (such as that another applicant was more qualified). All the records are in the employer's hands. It is nearly impossible to prove there wasn't some colorably valid reason not to hire the disabled applicant. Proving a negative in impossible. Talk about kicking someone when s/he is down!

I must confess to having to laugh nevertheless. Every time I hear people ranting about not wanting any activist judges who interpret the law instead of applying it, I marvel about the sheer volume of ignorance in our society.

All judges interpret the law; it's inherent in the nature of the beast. What the ranters are upset about is judges whose interpretations disagree with theirs. So I guess in this instance I am a ranter and the joke is on me.

But it's still wrong to make it even harder on people with disabilities to survive economically than they already have it. I am beginning to think that while most of this country professes to be Christian, Christ's teachings largely have not rubbed off on most of this country. Whatever happened to compassion, to the notion that what one does to the least of one's brothers one is doing to Christ Himself?

We trot it out during the holiday season and make a big show out of giving Toys For Tots, pennies to the Salvation Army (don't even get me started on Target's policy this year), and canned goods to the local food pantries. But doesn't it seem to you that we still somehow collectively look down upon the less fortunate, that we feel they brought their problems onto themselves, and that if they only weren't so lazy/drunk/drugged out, they'd be doing OK?

Shame on all of us, for our collective sense of smug superiority. And God forgive us, every one!

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Beisbol Been Bery, Bery Bad

Gee, just when I thought baseball had finally gotten over all the bad effects of the Pete Rose debacle and of the 1994 strike, testimony was leaked from the San Francisco Grand Jury investigating steroid use connected to Balco . . . and Barry Bonds' spokesman is now saying not that Barry never took steroids, but that he never knowingly took anything illegal.

Does this not strike you as akin to those who say that having oral sex is not having sex? I mean, come on! The word sex in the description of what is being done should give you a clue.

I was afraid of this. I had the same bad feeling last summer when it was revealed that Jason Giambi was being treated for a rare tumor usually associated with steroid use, but that Jason never took steroids. Well, thanks to other SF grand jury leaks, we now know that wasn't true either.

>>sigh<<

As if that weren't enough, ESPN has released an unscientific poll of its viewing audience claiming that they think steroid use by Bonds and other players is worse for baseball than Pete Rose having bet on baseball, by a 63-37% margin.

Well, those of you who know me know that I will disagree with that. Pete Rose was a player-manager when he was betting on his own sport--and while he finally admitted that he'd bet on baseball, he said he'd never bet against his own team . . . but don't you think there are times when he didn't place bets involving the Cincinnati Reds at all, thinking that the Reds probably wouldn't win those particular games? Bookies are no dummies. They'd have picked up on Rose's betting patterns right away. So even not betting against your team influences betting, thus injuring the whole sport.

But steroid use is a different matter. It's dangerous, and foolhardy (just look at what happened to Lyle Alzado if you doubt it). But it cannot make someone a better hitter--it can only improve the distance of the hits they'd already get. So I don't think it adversely affects the whole sport the way betting by players can.

Unless, of course, the steroid use comes to be revealed to be much more widespread than I at present suspect it is. In that case, ALL bets are off.

These are indeed dark days for the baseball fan.

(I do confess to a great curiosity about the identity of the person(s) who leaked the Grand Jury testimony . . . and why s/he or they chose to do it now. Maybe this doesn't rise to the level of Watergate's Deep Throat, but it sure is something I'd like to know!)

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Nebraskans In The National News--What's All This, Then?

I just heard that Prez Dubya has nominated Nebraska Governor Mike Johanns to be the new Secretary of Agriculture. Maybe I've not been paying attention, but I am somewhat surprised by this development.

Why, you may ask, am I surprised? Well, let's start with the fact that the first Nebraska name bandied about in connection with this nomination was US Senator Ben Nelson (D-NE). Now that would have been a masterstroke if Ben had fallen for it. It would have gotten another ostensibly Democratic vote out of the Senate, and since Ben is a DINO according to many people around here, it would not have been bad for Dubya's ag policy, such as it is. Besides, it had the color of making good on Dubya's promise to be a uniter and a healer for the country as a whole. [Editorial comment, as if you needed it: NOT.]

Exact events are not clear: Ben is saying nothing; his staff is saying he was offered the job and turned it down (ever savvy, our Ben); Dubya's staff is saying the job was never offered, and that all the speculation was just Beltway nose-picking.

But Ben is facing reelection in 2006, and the word around these parts was that Mike Johanns was being groomed and in fact was already hand-picked to be Ben's opponent. After all, if Mike Johanns could win election as the mayor of Lincoln (which he did and was before he became Governor), the most liberal city in the state [Editorial comment: this is all relative, you understand], he most certainly could beat Ben in a Senatorial contest.

Doesn't becoming Secretary of Agriculture take Johanns out of the loop? I am mystified about the whole thing.

Perhaps some of my Lincoln friends will edify me by posting comments and details. Methinks we just aren't getting the news in the metro Omaha area that we need to understand this development.

In the meantime, hail and farewell to Tom Brokaw, who got his start back in the early '60s at the Omaha NBC affiliate. Network news has not been the same since Walter Cronkite retired, but Brokaw will be missed.

Unaccustomed As We Are . . .

Welcome to my looney bin!

I don't know exactly where I will be going with this blog; in the past, on other sites, and under another name, I have posted political commentary, satire, news analysis, and the laments of Chicago Cubs fans everywhere.

I imagine that I will cover everything from accountability issues to zoos. For I believe in being interested and informed about just about everything under the sun.

You may expect from me bad puns, obscure movie references, stories about my cats, and my honest efforts to analyize news topics of interest.

I hope to get a lot of feedback, for what I most hope for is to exchange ideas.

It may be corny, but let's sit down together and learn from one another--and especially share a hearty laugh or two.

My motto, a la Groucho Marx, is that "I wouldn't belong to any club that would have me as a member."

I will begin with a story or two about my cats, because we are approaching the two year anniversary of the revelation I am about to share, and because it's funny. At least, I think so!

A little more than two years ago, I adopted two black and white, half-Siamese kittens from an area animal shelter. I was told they were the last two sisters in a litter of 8. I never bothered to check independently. After all, the animal shelter staff knew what they were doing. In any event, the kittens had green eyes and adorable personalities, so how could I not take them both?

I named them, brought them home, and did my best to make them comfortable in the face of the hubub of the holiday season.

They each liked to take turns sleeping on my left shoulder. (They still do, which is a problem now that they are full grown and the size of small ponies.) One night, one of them was circling around, trying to settle, and thus waving its butt in my face, and I realized something: there are a lot of things I do not know, but I do know that THAT is not a girl!

So, it turns out I have a brother and a sister. I renamed them Linus and Lucy, and nothing has been the same since.

(The humane society people, by the way, were as startled to learn this as I was. I had my vet send independent confirmation when I had them spayed and neutered in accordance with the humane society's policies. One of the staff called me and asked me if I were sure! I'm sure.)

Linus apparently has gender issues; he is bound to prove at any given moment that he is all boy. He likes, for example, to do a tightrope walk on my living room wrought iron balcony railing. And then to chase his tail when he is out over the "deep end," as it were. In short, he needs to prove every day that he has a full component of testosterone, giving me heart failure in the process.

He also likes to climb more than any other cat, Siamese blood or no, I've ever known. I regularly find him on top of my china hutch, skulking amongst the soup tureens. He also enjoys breaking things if I am not paying sufficient attention to him at any given moment. And for the longest time, nothing would deter him--not even a squirt of pure vinegar (water had absolutely no effect on him whatsoever). He has finally learned, however: now, I just have to point the squirt bottle at him when he's doing something I don't want him to do, and off he'll run. It's just that he has short term memory loss, or something, because a few hours later, he'll try again.

But he has the tiniest meow and the most delicate purr, and the pinkest of pink noses . . . so maybe he's not 100% certain about his gender issues either! In any event, I cannot stay mad at him, for he loves to cuddle and purr. Especially now that the weather is getting colder, I can find almost nothing better to do than curl up w/ the cats, a cup of tea, and a good book.

Lucy, on the other hand, has a black Groucho mustache over her nose and upper lip; a meow like a foghorn, and a motor like a '68 Dodge Hemi with no muffler. But she also has the most silky fur of any cat I've ever encountered. She likes to cuddle, too, but she's not as "in your face" about it as Linus literally is.

I'll try to post a picture or two someday. They are truly adorable, especially when they both try to curl up together and snooze in my bathroom sink. They could do that when they were little, but now, let's just say it's more than a bit of a tight squeeze.

Here endeth today's lesson. Let the fun and games begin!